do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
