Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
