He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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