I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
