where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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