just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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