I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
