***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
