I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
