is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
