I think I won the penis lottery.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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