my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
