I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
