Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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