We won't sleep together?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
