somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
