i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
