Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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