I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the condom got lost in my hair
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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