do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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