I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
