the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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