she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i believe in u and ur pee
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
