i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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