her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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