yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
