made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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