Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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