it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
