Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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