Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
