I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i drank out of a bidet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
