OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
