After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
