Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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