She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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