1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
