he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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