If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
