Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
