Nicole vs. Life
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
