Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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