Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
