my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
