If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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