Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
