My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
