guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
