And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
