I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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