Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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