Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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