it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
