I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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