i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Come see our sink grown plant.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
